I havent updated in almost a month; I've been working so hard to provide you the best & most personal project you will ever hear from a new artist; to the point I have disconnected myself from everything and everyone I associate with. That means endless night and sometimes not seeing the sun until; in a sense whats been haunting and yelling inside your mind for ventilation has been created. Until the peace youve been searching for becomes clear and reviving. Some say being alone isnt good for you; but how can they say such a thing when they've never experienced it like I have? I've learned so much about myself through solitude; I found out who I was, I found out who I wasnt, I became closer to what I believe in, it made me stronger...So, how can it be bad? Over the past couple weeks I've finally accepted the fact that I am not normal; I think differently; to your eye I am emotionless, but inside there's parts that scream, claw and rip away for release. I find peace in silence; I find peace in hearing myself, because it is the only person I can fully relate to. The best music I can create I dont think many will ever understand; the therapy some say I need, this world couldnt give me. I honestly feel at times that I am losing my mind and those who are listening to what I have to say; have a front row seat...Then why continue right? because I cant stop thats why. Music is my addiction, my vice...the feeling and high to be creative is undeniable and has too much of a hold to ignore...but then again... maybe I think like this because I am alone...because I dont have someone too comfort me, reassure me and silence the voices in my head...maybe I think like this because I dont let anyone see the real me; the person who is writing this right now and not the person who you see in front of you...I look in the mirror and I see two people fighting, I see an ongoing battle with the winner being nobody at the end of the day. I write these songs because i feel like a fucking yoyo to these women,family and friends; only being called for their own personal use...I feel like an old toy yearning for acceptance amongst a group of people who cant see the same light that shines in their eyes; shines in mine...I believe I say more to myself then I do to others throughout the day...I sort of hate it when people tell me what I do is a gift, its talent, embrace it...Yet all you see is the outcome and brighter end of the spectrum, its not a gift in entirety, its also a curse...The fact that I cant have a normal conversation without over analyzing a situation; the fact that I can not open my heart to the women I care for, because I fear she might fear me...See what solitude has done...I know me...but my mother doesnt know me...my father doesnt know me...but my dream girl does...in my dream world none of this exists..theres no voices that need ease...just peace and understanding...just peace and understanding.So,I ask you not to judge me, not to be scared of me; ignore your natural human instinct to reject what you do not understand.
-I apologize
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